"You can't pour from an empty cup."
We've all heard that but easier said than done, right? Motherhood doesn't leave a lot of time for cup-filling-type activities. When we do find the time, we often also feel guilty for taking that time for ourselves. There are a million other things we COULD be doing for our kids, spouse, or house. But they aren't kidding when they say we can't pour from an empty cup. We're not at our A-game when our cup is empty either. Though our mom hat is always on top priority, we have to remember the girl underneath the hat. The one we were before kids, before houses and spouses. She needs attention. She needs love. She needs time to regroup and refresh. It's okay to take the time for ourselves. It's not selfish. In fact, it BENEFITS our children. They need us on our A-game. We are better mothers when our cups are full.
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I didn’t know I would be proud of someone wiping up their own spill. I didn’t know how make or break the color of a cup could be. I didn’t know I would feel like a member of the bomb squad defusing toddler tantrums.
Everyday motherhood looks like a lot of small victories and obstacles. It makes it easy for outsiders to miss the big deal, the exhaustion, and frustrations. It makes it impossible to really be prepared for motherhood. We can read, research, and Pinterest to our heart’s content, but we don’t really know what’s behind that door. Because when we’re boots on the ground, in the trenches of motherhood, that’s when it clicks. Maternal instincts kick in, thank goodness. We get why our moms were so exhausted. Why they worried all of the time. Motherhood can be defeating. It can be thankless and exhausting. We often lack the satisfaction of a "job well done" or seeing items checked off a list. But we win the little battles. Having all the green utensils and dishes clean and available at meal time. Letting the tantrum roll off our shoulders. Getting out the door without tears and with hats on. The accomplishments don't always feel big. Sometimes we don't even know they're coming...suddenly the toddler can count to ten or brushing teeth is fun not frightening. We revel in the small, ordinary victories because that's what motherhood is. It's a whole lot of small moments, that we might miss if we blink, that make up this great journey of raising a human being. One day that stubborn, angry toddler becomes a strong-willed, bright man. That's the big victory, right? But for now, I'll take the little moments, the small victories, and the everyday battles. We’ve all heard that you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I’m well aware how important it is to practice self care, but it’s easier said than done. Between a snowstorm and the hubs getting two different colds in the span of a week, my cup is empty. It’s hard, really hard, to find time for self care. Today that time was carved out by reading a couple of pages of my book while the baby napped and the boy watched a movie while it snowed. I am a better mom when I have time for me. My kids and husband have the ability to suck me dry and leave me feeling more than empty. Motherhood leaves me feeling like a shell of old Megan on a pretty regular basis unfortunately. Often times, I feel selfish doing things for ME. By spending time doing my hair or make-up, I'm not giving my kids my full attention. I know that I'm not being neglectful because I take time for myself to do some of the little things that make me feel like me. I know that when I'm happy, when my cup is full, I'm a better mom. When I was really struggling with this stay-at-home mom role I wished for an hour a day to myself. We planned for it, but it just never happens. In reality, I get about a an hour per week to myself. That's life, right? But I'll take it. I'll write, do my nails, listen to a podcast, watch some reality TV, or read a book. I'm doing these things for ME. As a mom, I'm needed all day. I'm responsible for two little humans all day long. I answer "Mom," "help, Mom, help," and all the snack/drink requests. I referee sibling battles. (If this stay-at-home mom gig doesn't work out, I have a bright future refereeing cage matches). I play short order cook, maid, and teacher. I can make some cool crafts and bake all the goodies. I do baths, wipe butts, and brush teeth. Kids are demanding. If I'm going to meet their needs, I need to meet mine. As a mom, that can be hard. Usually it means someone is crying or getting into something they aren't supposed to while I choke down a sandwich or a glass of water. It's not my favorite. The mom guilt can kill us if we let it. A few minutes without my full attention will not harm my children in any way. It's not being neglectful to put them somewhere safe in my house where I can keep an eye on them while I eat lunch or go to the bathroom. Now they're getting to that awesome age where the play together. I can sit at the table with a cup of coffee and make my grocery list while they giggle. Sometimes they even work out their own battles. I'm a proud mom. It takes me under a minute to make a pb&j (minus the time the bread was in the toaster), but somehow during that minute my toddler gave his baby sister a bowl of veggie straws.
But you see here’s the thing, he shared. He shared his favorite snack. His “sissy” as he calls her, he told me yesterday that she is his best friend. And those words, “sissy is my best friend,” well they actually melted my heart. These two do that more times a day than I can count. A sibling really is one of the best gifts we can give our children. Siblings are like a live in best friend (sometimes). They’re partners-in-crime and confidants. They keep secrets and know all the right buttons to push. Siblings teach one another so many valuable life lessons. But what’s really amazing? The bond they share. The best friend-biggest instigator relationship is quite interesting. The way they love each other is the real deal, heart-melting, Hallmark worthy kind of thing that I’ll gladly clean up all the veggie straws. I wore jeans this morning.
I guess the universe took that as a challenge because my daughter peed on me TWICE. It’s back to leggings for me, but the universe won’t get me down that easily, not today. We’ve done lunch, with a fruit and a vegetable, that the toddler nibbled. I’m still calling that a win. We’ve done Valentine’s art projects because this January yuck isn’t getting us down. I’ve snuck some frosting and Scooby snacks because I’m on my 3rd pair of pants today and needed to up my game. Plus they’re leggings. 🤷🏽♀️💁🏽♀️. Motherhood is exhausting and frustrating. Honestly sometimes it can be a little demeaning. I mean I have someone else’s pee on my pants and my son very often interrupts me any time I am in the bathroom. That gets to a girl sometimes. Who wouldn't be bothered? Truthfully the messy bun, no make-up, and leggings uniform can sometimes make me feel pretty grungy. There's often times some type of food on my shoulder. My hair could use a good brushing or 3. The only make-up on my face is usually the previous day's eye make-up or some type of concealer (generally on my eye bags or stress acne). But it’s about those little people, the ones who steal my grace, sleep, and privacy. The ones who have peed on me more times than I can count (& we haven’t even started potty training yet). If anyone has mastered potty training a toddler boy, please share your wisdom in the comment section below because I do NOT have a handle on that situation. I haven't even mustered up the courage to tackle it yet because I know it's going to be an uphill battle, a battle of the wills, and so much laundry! I got to help with adorable heart cards for Daddy. I got the excitement over grilled cheese (that was barely touched). I get to cook one of the toddler’s favorite foods for dinner. So, game on universe. I’m still standing. We’re still having a good day, jeans or no jeans. 😎 I woke up determined to have a good Monday.
But the littles were cranky and whiny. It’s probably a combination of being overtired from a lot of activities yesterday and teething. So we watched a movie on Hulu, ate waffles, and had their all-time favorite—BATH TIME. I threw caution and productivity to the wind because they needed a slow day. Don’t we all, sometimes? Sometimes we all need a little quiet and a little laziness. Alphabet activities, art projects, and dishes have been put on tomorrow’s to-do list as we soaked up some snuggles, waffles, and dinosaur time before nap time. All too often we get caught up in the Pinterest crafts and social media competition of motherhood. We’re so caught up in keeping up that we don’t enjoy the littleness, the quiet, and the lazy days. Not every day has to be a super mom day. Just like not every day do I expect my kids to be on their best behavior, adjust to wacky schedules, or have their emotions in check. Sometimes it’s okay to have a chill day. In fact, it’s good for everyone’s mental health to take a day off every now and then. Nurturing our children’s souls is just as important as their minds and bodies. The four walls of their home is their safe space to just be. Too many people now a days are struggling when it comes to their mental health, myself included. We can eat all the kale we want, but it won't change what's going on in our minds. Our soul needs some soul-kale which is often find in quiet, relaxing moments. This is something I want to teach my kids early on because it's just as important to take care of our mental health as it is our physical health. We can take a day off every now and then. It's okay to do nothing sometimes. It can even be good for us. If you haven't heard of Monster Cookies, let me share this goodness that is actually the only food I eat until dinner more days than I should probably admit. But hey, they're full of peanut butter (protein), oats (good for breastmilk supply), and chocolate (YUM). Who could complain?
There are many, many days where my kids do not give me the opportunity to sit down and have a meal. Often times I am not even able to wait for a piece of bread to toast before I'm dragged away and forget the poor, sad toast until it's a goner. Cold toast? No thanks. But these monster cookies (once baked) are perfect to grab and eat while bouncing a baby and answering (with my mouth full all too often) "Mom, what is this?" that my toddler repeats at least 10,000 times a day. I have become a master at eating things over my daughter's head. I have dropped a few pieces of lettuce, noodles, and jelly on her though she has yet to complain. I figure it's a fair trade for the many, many things she'll wipe on me in her years to come. Her brother showed her how that works today when he proceeded to rub his peanut butter covered face all over my shoulder. Thanks, honey! These babies, as demanding as they may be, are my dream. Now my dream is my life. How cool is that? Maybe I didn't realize just how busy they would have me. I surely didn't realize how exhausting it would be to love two tiny, demanding people so much. I wasn't prepared to have all my attitude (and then some) bottled up in this blonde little version of my husband. Saying "no" to those puppy dog eyes will always take more will power than I knew I had in hopes that he doesn't grow up to be a Veruca from Willy Wonka. You may have previously read about my hope to be present in 2019. I wasn't going to worry about chores, budgets, or all of the other concerns that are constantly taking my attention so much. In less than a week, I dropped one of the many plates I had spinning. That certainly had me rethinking my resolution. My husband though, he's kind of my voice of reason, reassured me that the dropping of one metaphorical plate did not equate to the sky falling. Honestly though, it has been good. My son and I have had quite a few ice cream dates which are actually frozen yogurt at our kitchen table. He and I have been thick as thieves the past couple of weeks. We're back in sync which is something that we were really struggling with before the holiday season. My son has been quite the inspiration for this whole resolution though. At almost three years old he has a great perspective. Everything we do is an event in his big brown eyes. He proudly announce we're having "play-doh time," "chicken nugget time," and even "vacuuming time." He lives in the moment. He has no worries. I mean of course, he's almost three years old! But that mentality is what I'm trying to channel for myself. Worrying about right now (or worrying less) has been freeing. I'm not as stressed. I have caught my breath again. My head is above the metaphorical water. Being present in the moment has provided some interesting conversations with my toddler that I maybe would have missed out on. We've had some fun activities and dozens of new memories. My inner control freak has stopped twitching. My household is operating efficiently. Everyone seems to following my more laid-back, present tone for the year. Today was one of the seemingly rare days where I felt like a warrior mom (at least for a good part of the day). I made the phone calls I needed. I got the kids dressed, fed, and teeth brushed with little fuss. I eventually got to the sink full of dishes behind me. Though I didn't remember to wash my face mask off until AFTER I got the mail and said "hello" to a couple of neighbors out for a walk. 🤷♀️ I conquered the day and for the most part had something to show for it. That doesn't happen every day; heck, that doesn't happen MOST days. One thing I didn't realize about being a stay-at-home mom was just how much my own self worth would suffer. I don't get a paycheck. There's no report card or time card at the end of each day, week, or even year. The seemingly endless housework is a revolving cycle making it hard to feel like I've actually accomplished anything because I'll have to do the same chores when I wake up again in the morning. These things can all make it pretty dang difficult to feel like I'm actually doing anything each day. Would my husband notice if we sat and watched movies all day? Would anyone know the difference if we skipped the cleaning, cooking, and teaching? Maybe, probably not. But my toddler and my baby girl, they would notice. At least they kind of would. These days may be long, but they can also be so, so sweet. Sure my week won't end on Friday. I won't ever clock out, and I don't get over time pay. But I'm doing something pretty incredible with my day, with my life. I'm raising two tiny humans to be good people. I'm making priceless memories with them and get to witness all the growing up, milestones, and bonding that come with being with my kids all day long. My days may look boring and unimportant right now, but this is the grunt work. I'm laying the foundation for the days where I'll get to see my hard work pay off. I'll make sure to wash my face mask off when that day comes, but I still probably won't put on make-up because I'll just cry it off. So here's to the fellow mamas in the trenches, doing the thankless work, and wondering just really how necessary it is to wash their hair or put on jeans today. ☕️ I see you. You're doing something. You're doing so much and so good! Ketchup counts as a vegetable right?
Some days in this house, the answer is yes. I obviously know it’s not kale or anything wild, but if it gets him to eat something I’ll let myself feel good that ketchup comes from tomatoes. This weird short post holiday week has us beat so I’ll pick my battles. I’m not even going to compare the non-organic peanut butter toast we had for breakfast to the shrimp, spinach, avocado quinoa breakfast I saw on Instagram this morning. Because you know what? We made it through breakfast. All the bellies were filled. The kiddos were happy. I didn't lose my sanity. Then we made it until nap time. We made it until Dad got home. We made it through the day. Today, or rather this whole week, have been about survival mode. They aren't days I'm exactly proud of. They sure wouldn't make anyone's Pinterest board or #MomGoals, but they're real days. At the end of each one we told each other "I love you" and said our prayers so I'm still counting them as a win in my book. Next week we'll work on vegetables that I can't squeeze from a bottle. |
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Megan is a stay-at-home mom to a stubborn and charming toddler and adorable baby girl. She is a freelance writer who hasn't slept in way too long.. She survives off of the pot of coffee her wonderful husband makes her FRESH each morning and any snack she can grab while keeping up with her little ones. Archives
October 2019
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