I'm kind of a control freak and as much as it terrifies me to admit, there are some things that are completely out of my control. As a mom, I struggle even more admitting that there are things I don't have control over. Has anyone gotten a baby to perfectly follow a schedule? They eat what you want, when you want and sleep when you want, don't pee on you or puke all over EVERYTHING? Probably not. I'm lucky if M doesn't throw a temper tantrum because he can't finger paint with his meal or feed the dog under the table.
Life can be inconvenient and unpredictable. One thing I'm learning to accept is that there are some things beyond my control. It is a work in progress by all means but it's a start. Being a mom is also terrifying. We worry constantly. They weren't kidding. How can we not though? We live in a world with car accidents, school shootings, Ebola, cancer, and a million other tragedies. It can be scary taking our babies to the grocery store because there are germs, perverts, and crazies. I totally get it. I have a bubble and I freak out when I have to take M out of if. Leaving that radius means there is even less am I in control of. It's scary. I panic sometimes or get knots in my stomach. I know it's normal, but I also know it's not. I can't live my life like that, and no one should. We have to live our lives and that includes facing our fears. For me, it's a control thing. There are too many variables that I just simply can't control. It freaks me out. I can't protect M from everything. That's something that is hard for me to accept but I had to rather quickly because when M was 2 days old we were separated for several hours while he was transported to a different hospital because I had to be released from post-op myself. My answer is that I put my faith in God. It helps me manage. It gives me comfort knowing he's looking over us. He gave me this baby for a reason, and he has some crazy plan for us and our family. He will protect us. Now I don't use this as an excuse to run red lights or go cliff diving. I do rely on it though for time to time when I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be alright. There's something very calming about putting my faith into something bigger than myself.
0 Comments
I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. Why do we put so much pressure on January 1st to fulfill goals we've been too lazy to fill the other 364 days a year? We could decide to make a lifestyle change any day, but instead we put it off weeks, even months because for some reason we think we'll be more successful if we start with a new year.
Don't get me wrong maybe someone, somewhere has successfully stuck with a New Year's resolutin-- if you'd like to restore my faith in this tradition please comment below. But we've become notorious for dropping our resolutions even before the end of the month of January. I'm guilty of it too. I can't even remember all of the resolutions I made that were lucky to last a week. The problem we have is we get too discouraged if we miss a workout, eat some cake, or go off budget. We can't suddenly decide to make some HUGE lifestyle change and think it wil all quickly and easily fall into place. It's not practical. Right away we are so discouraged by the smallest slip-up that we let it ruin everything and toss the resolution out the window. Last New Year's I was much too busy growing a human to make and stick to any significant resolution, but this year I have a method to my madness--hopefully the key to some resolution success...I am starting small. I am improving parts of my life that I already do. Instead of having one definite lifestyle change, I'm trying to improve aspects of my life:
In 2016, I found my faith again. I mean I never really "lost it"-- I still said my prayers nightly and believed, but things definately weren't how they were supposed to be. I didn't set foot in a church and ahd no desire to for a couple of years. My faith, like most people's, grew leaps and mounds at a time when I was most fearful.
Two days after M was born he was transported via ambulance to Chidren's Hospital of WI where he spent two nights in the NICU for what would be diagnosed as "precaution." Before he left to go down to Children's, the hospital pastor came in to pray with us. To be honest when my nurse first suggested it, my first reaction was nearly a giggle. What could he do? I agreed, and I'm so grateful that I did because it was so calming and reassuring. He really helped to ground me in my faith and remind me that God had a plan for our family and a reason he gave us this baby. I took so much comfort knowing he would watch out for our little boy. This was the day I decided fully that M would be baptized, it was the final reassurance to a decision I was already leaning towards. We decided to take M to my grandma's church which was also one I had frequented often growing up. We decided to wait until their new pastor started, and I am forever grateful that we did. This woman greatly renewed my faith and my desire to get back into church. I honestly believe God sent her to us exactly when we needed her. For the first time in years, I was excited for Sunday morning service. I found such a wonderful community in this church and its congregation. Everyone genuinely cared for one another. During our meeting regarding M's baptism, the pastor asked me what I did for a living. At the time I was between school semesters and had literally just accepted a freelance writing job for a parenting/baby webiste while staying home with M. As soon as the words left my mouth, she pitched the idea of me writing a column for the church monthly newsletter in attempt to reach out to more families and young people. Of course, I agreed because I do believe that we should use our gifts and talents to serve. As time passed, I continued to look forward to church on Sundays and look into more ways to get involved. I loved catching up with other members and quickly found myself fitting in to this loving church family. I think that also helped to keep me accountable on those mornings I had gotten up way too early with M. I was also glad that I dragged myself out of bed by the end of the service. I could finally relate to the sermon. I found such calmness and ease after service. It was a great way to start my week with a postive mindset. **DISCLAIMER: This is a reflection of my experience/views and not pushing faith/religion on anyone. As moms we still need something of our own. We yearn for that hour or peace and quiet. A time where nobody is calling "mom", getting peed on, and picking up a hundred cheerios off of the floor. It's essential to our sanity that we have some time to ourselves. We need to have something that is just ours. This could be a job, hobby, or even a couple of hours with our girls. But it's ours. While being a mom is seriously the most rewarding job, it is still nice to accomplish something outside of our children. I know I might get some hate for saying that, but it's really true. It can be way too easy to lose our own identities when we become parents so having something outside from our children can help us be our own person. For me, one my most important means of keeping my sanity is working out. I used to be one of those crazy people that would spend like 6 days a week at the gym. It truthfully would have been 7 if I didn't need to catch up on sleep at some point. I loved it. And I still do, but with time restraints I usually make it 3-4, sometimes if I'm lucky or having a really bad week 5, days a week. It's such a stress relief. Seriously, I come home feeling like a happier, calmer person every single time. There were six weeks after I had my C-section where I couldn't do any kind of work out. I was dying. Okay, not exactly, but it was like having an itch you can't scratch. So...I walked A LOT. My neighbors called me "the walking queen" because every day 2-3 times a day I strapped M in his stroller with his blanket and sock monkey and we walked the neighboorhood. I find it important because I also want to teach M about how necessary it is to take care of yourself both mentally and physically. Exercise does take care of both of those. Whether it be a sport, hitting the gym, or going for a run, exercise helps to clear our heads, handle stress, and stay in good shape. I want to be able to keep up with M because I know there will be a day where he can outrun me. The best things in life we never see coming. This statement is so perfect for everyone and anyone. We expect things. We seek them out. We scour the earth, but somehow reality sadly doesn't always live up to our expectations. As a result, we take things and people for granted. We let them slip away because it isn't exactly how we imagined so we figure it must not be right. It's quite unfortunate that this is actually the truth. And as time goes on, our expectations only get more and more unrealistic. Now I'm not saying we shouldn't know what we want. I also don't believe in ever settling for less. I guess my point is that the best things in life take us by storm. We don't see them coming or expect them, but once they happen we wonder how we lived before them. Maybe that's why when we look back at some of the past crap, we refer to it as a blessing in disguise. The job we didn't get, the boy who cheated-- all ended up resulting in something better. So in the end, we know it was for the best. Something wrong had to end for something better to take its place. That's something we learn to accept. We have to realize that everything happens for a reason, or maybe it doesn't. But isn't the idea that it does so much more comforting? It makes it easier to let go of toxic people and relationships because we know that there's something so much better out there for us. So many people get so disappointed because they haven't found love or "the one." It doesn't happen right away for everybody, and there's certainly no formula to find them one. S/he isn't a variable in a math equation. It wouldn't be love if it was just that easy and expectable. We try to force happiness through forced relationships. But love isn't something we can calculate. It takes us by storm. It's totally unpredictable, but that's the best part. We find ourselves needing something that we didn't even see coming. It fills a hole we didn't know was there in the first place. There's something bigger than just us at work here. |
Author
Megan is a stay-at-home mom to a stubborn and charming toddler and adorable baby girl. She is a freelance writer who hasn't slept in way too long.. She survives off of the pot of coffee her wonderful husband makes her FRESH each morning and any snack she can grab while keeping up with her little ones. Archives
October 2019
Categories
All
|