Real talk
I’m hiding from my kids. YUP. Number of dishes I’ve washed today: a big fat zero Number of cake pops I’ve eaten: 2 I cleaned poop out of the bath tub. The kids have started that whole sibling rivalry, egging each other on constantly stage, and man am I in for it. Did I mention the poop in the bath tub? I have a bucket of toys and a tub to bleach today. It’s okay, I’m already wearing a bleach stained shirt. 👏🏼🙃 Guys, it’s madness over here. But I think they might actually be getting along, they’re building a tower together, so that will last approximately 30 seconds. Did you know that sitting on the kitchen floor is a great way to find all those spots that the vacuum didn’t reach? 🤦🏽♀️ Okay so I’m rambling. I haven’t talked to another adult in TOO LONG. But this is the real deal, the nitty gritty of this gig. Motherhood is hard. It's draining more so mentally than physically which often leaves me questioning just why am I so tired? It's not like I ran a marathon or had some rigorous exercise. I think that would actually leave me with more energy than I have at 5 P.M. on any given weekday with my kids. The fighting, snack fetching, and refereeing can get to a girl. Answering the same questions I don't even know how many times has me beat more often than not. Sometimes a "Mommy time-out" is ok. Sometimes, it's necessary. The kids will be OK. They will play together. Mine are currently playing dinosaurs and blocks while watching The Masked Singer, their new favorite because of all the music. (I guess regular music just isn't as cool since it's not being sung in fun costumes. Whatever works, right?) I know that getting to spend these years at home is a gift. I really do, I promise. But sometimes it's just unbearably challenging and frustrating. It's draining and taxing. It leaves me beat and begging for a few minutes alone. I would take a real grown up coffee break any day. The baby is currently crawling around with one sock. Two is too much to ask of her right now. Maybe it slows her down. The boy has made a fort under my kitchen table. Duty calls. Mom out.
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Valentine's day is upon us shortly. We've talked about it briefly, and by briefly I mean I asked my husband if we had any plans besides the usual heart shaped pizza we've done since my son got teeth. We didn't. Then a few days later, a solid week before Valentine's day, he showed up with flowers. He got a sitter and said, "we're going out." So no, romance doesn't die when you get married or have kids. But it does look different more often than not. We do date night a week early or late or have alone time after the little ones are in bed. We make Valentine's crafts and read "Llama Llama Valentine" before bed. Romance and love might look a little different these days because it's not just us anymore. There are two tiny humans sitting at that table, snuggled on the couch, or even shopping for those flowers. The romantic gesture doesn't matter, but the fact that there was a romantic gesture, THAT matters. I want our kids to know that Mom and Dad loved each other. It's our job as parents and spouses to show them how a healthy, loving marriage should be. We're not perfect. We fumble a lot, but we show up. We figure it out. We talk it out. We do the little stuff, not as often as we should or have, but when we can. We do the hugs and the "I love you's". "How was your day" really goes a long way, especially when it's accompanied by someone genuinely listening and wanting to know. Yesterday was date night.
YUP, date night on a Wednesday. Thank you Grandma for babysitting. The toddler, though, he wanted to take a nap in the kitchen at 4:30 P.M. He was not having the whole hat and shoes thing or leaving the house. It happens more than I'd like. It's almost always making me late EVERYWHERE I go. We persevered though. The Mr. and I we wrangled and wrestled that little man into the van because as soon as he was buckled he was good. We needed date night. We needed that uninterrupted conversation, the eye contact, the adult conversation, the husband and wife time. Our roles of parents often overthrow our roles as husband and wife. I mean we're keeping two little humans alive; that's a full time job. Here's the I am BAD at date night. I have one million and one things I need to get done on any day. Sometimes I use those things as an excuse why we can't or shouldn't do it. So the toddler on the floor, he was a good excuse of why I couldn't, why we shouldn't, why we should just stay home. He tugged those mama strings as he so often does. But my husband needs me. I need him. Our marriage needs us to do the work, to have the date nights, to push one another. So to all the other mamas out there struggling with this, do the date. The kids will be fine. It may have been foggy today, but for the first time in awhile that fog was outside and not in my head.
Over the last few weeks, the clouds have seemed to part mentally. The air is lighter. I can breathe easier. So I celebrated. Raspberry mocha for me, cake pop for the tot, and unsweetened iced green tea with raspberry and light ice for my mama. Treat yourself and treat your mom, right? Moms are great at giving us a safe place, a shoulder, endless support, and unconditional love. They shoulder our demons with us. Sometimes they have even been there themselves so they get it, truly get it. We did the self care thing today, the treat yourself thing today. I smiled. The troubles and tantrums rolled right off my back just like they used to because I got this. Things are going to be ok. The fog inside has passed. So to those in the fog right now, PLEASE know that it will pass. |
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Megan is a stay-at-home mom to a stubborn and charming toddler and adorable baby girl. She is a freelance writer who hasn't slept in way too long.. She survives off of the pot of coffee her wonderful husband makes her FRESH each morning and any snack she can grab while keeping up with her little ones. Archives
October 2019
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